letters from a Bridezilla

This is an actual 1976 letter from a Youngstown,Ohio, bride-to-be to her bridesmaids and ushers. Read it and count your blessings. (FROM HARPER'S MAGAZINE)

Dear Bridal Party: From time to time I will be dropping everyone a line or two to keep each of you informed about how the wedding plans are progressing so that no one thinks I have forgotten them and no one is in the dark.
Bridesmaids: Each bridesmaid will receive her dress via mail from Priscilla of Boston sometime in January. This will give each of you enough time to have the dress "professionally" altered if need be. The dresses are chiffon "Priscilla" dresses and can be worn after the wedding. The right shoulder is bare and there is no sleeve on the left arm. Each has its own cape, which goes almost to the floor. The two matrons of honor will be in silver and the four bridesmaids in peppermint green. As of this date, I have not decided whether the two in silver will wear green gloves and the four in green silver gloves, but long gloves will be worn. I strongly suggest that each person shops now for the typical cloth "closed-toe" shoe. Keep the heel size reasonable-of course, no platforms of any kind. Anyone having trouble with their legs should wear support hose.
Ushers: Each usher will be dressed identically to the groom, best man, and the head groomsman: black tails. Be sure you have black silk socks and black dress shoes polished to a high shine.
Reception Rehearsal: On Saturday afternoon (early) we will go to Powers Auditorium to practice for the reception that night after the wedding ceremony. Why? Well, there is a long staircase at the auditorium that will be put to full use: Each bridal-party couple will be introduced separately and will proceed down the first half of the staircase (accompanied by music). Upon reaching the platform in the middle of the stairs, the girl will be required to "swirl" from the right side of the steps and move to the left side, and her partner (an usher) will move to the right; then they will proceed down the second half of the stairs and take their positions for the Bridal Dance.
Dancing: I will try to find a choreographer to help with the Bridal Dance — but each person can please do his or her part by learning to waltz correctly in three-quarter time. Now, when I say waltz, I do not in any way mean two steps here and two steps there, always standing in one spot. When we waltz it will be to "Tales of the Vienna Woods." Each usher will be twirling his partner while moving in a large circle and maintaining even spacing between each couple. Turn on some old-time movies and you can see how it is supposed to be done. But, PLEASE, PLEASE, practice now! Suggestion: Go take dancing lessons!! That's what we have to do!! Also, there will be some polkas, the Charleston, jitterbug, and others. These are not "required" dances. There will not be any up-to-date dances. I personally dislike them and think they look terrible-they simply are not dances, in my estimation.
Photographs: There will be plenty. First and foremost, there will be "sound motion pictures" taken throughout the wedding ceremony, during the Bridal Dance, and while each bridal-party couple walks down the steps at the reception. Flash pictures will be taken in the church ONLY until my father and I arrive at the altar-after that there will be NO flash pictures; the official photographer will be taking time exposures. I believe it is the height of ill manners for any guest to leave his or her seat and proceed to the altar to take pictures.
Dress Requirements: Makeup — It is requested that you wear a little more than usual because of the photographs and the movie pictures. Any ladies with short eyelashes are requested to wear either false eyelashes or go to a beauty parlor and have false eyelashes put in one by one. The matrons of honor wearing the silver dresses must have a lot of pink in their makeup. That is straight from Priscilla. Be sure that each of the four other bridesmaids has green eyeshadow and that every one wears blusher, powder, eyebrow pencil, foundation, lipstick, and mascara — the works!! There will be two experts in the field of makeup to help anyone who needs it or wants it. As for the men, ho, ho, you will have your turn also. If you have a shiny face, be sure to use some of your wife's face powder to take the shine away. For the wives and husbands of those who are in the wedding party: Ladies-the color of the bridesmaids' dresses has been stated, and all that I ask is that your dress be a color that will not contrast with the peppermint green, that it is of full length, and fairly simple in line. Also, please do not wear an extensive amount of jewelry, as the bridesmaids will possibly wear only small pearl earrings. Be sure each of you has gloves. You need wear nothing in your hair. Men — Amy Vanderbilt's book on etiquette says that anyone receiving a formal invitation is to wear "black tie," which means tuxedo. Now, this could get rather touchy, so I will put it this way: If you do not wish to wear a tux, or do not wish to take on the expense of renting one, it will be perfectly fine to wear a "black" suit, white shirt with French cuffs, black silk socks, black shoes, and a black-and-silver tie. I hope this doesn't inconvenience too many, but I would hate to look at color pictures of the head table and see some men in black tails and others in brown or blue suits!!
Children at the Wedding or Reception: It is my wish, and also Z.'s [the fiancé], that there be no children at the wedding ceremony or at the reception. For purposes of clarification, a child is anyone eighteen years or younger. There are many reasons for this request, but the best is the simple fact that I don't have the money to invite children who only pick at their food, cry, run around, etc. One friend of mine, who married about a year ago, says that when she got her wedding pictures back, there wasn't one that didn't have a kid in it and she was disgusted. Don't get me wrong, children are great. But there is a time and a place for them and this isn't it. This is an adult, ultra-formal affair and I want to keep it that way. One point of etiquette: When a formal invitation is sent out with Mr. and Mrs. Paul J. Smith on the outside envelope and Mr. and Mrs. Smith on the inside envelope, that is exactly what it means — only Mr. and Mrs. Smith are being invited and no one else; no others in the family, no guests who might be visiting at the time, etc. If asked about guests, you can "diplomatically" pass this on. I know it sounds like I am being a real fusspot, but I would hate to tell each of you what the cost is per person just for the reception alone. I'm doing this for my friends and relatives, for all of us to have a good time, but since there are only so many hours in the day, and I already have three jobs, and I am not a Vanderbilt, some lines must be drawn, and I hope everyone understands. I've never wanted a small country-type wedding — Z. says this is no wedding but rather a coronation!! Well, not quite. But it sure has been fun so far, and I just cannot wait for everyone to arrive and for all our friends and relatives to have one great, fabulous night. Everyone think positive and keep your fingers crossed. Pray — that will bring more help. Won't each of you come with Z. and me to fantasyland — a place where dreams come true and fun abounds for everyone? Where the bride is Cinderella and the groom is Cinderfella for an evening. You are going to attend a ball at "Buckingham Palace" (pretend) and the King and Queen have invited only "royalty" — YOU! This will be a time to remember when you were courting the person to whom you are now married-a time to take a second honeymoon. We want everyone to be as happy as we are and to rekindle (add extra "fire" to) their own marriages. If you have a happy marriage now (which I know you all do), we expect the Palace to be really electrified with all that LOVE. May your every dream come true!

While this second one found it's way onto snopes as a possible hoax, it's still hysterical.

MEMO TO MY ATTENDANTS: Hey, girls! Mom has your dresses for the wedding. She'll bring them to the shower next weekend. You can pick them up there. Allison sent me an e-mail asking what style shoes and jewelry to wear. Great question, Allison! There are so many details. I keep forgetting to tell my girls what to do. This is an excellent opportunity to go over my expectations for each of you: About the shoes, please wear tasteful flats. Most of you are taller than me. I'd rather you not all tower over me. I want all of you to wear your hair down. Since Babs and Allison have similar hair, I'd prefer that Babs straighten hers and let Allison be the curly-haired girl. After all, she's my friend and you are just bridesmaids! I'm sure you understand. Judy and Molly, you have both mentioned that you intend to shed a few pounds. This would be the perfect time! Watch your diets; we will all start weekly weigh-ins. Allison could use some trimming down, too. Also, you should all stay away from alcohol for at least a week before the wedding. None of us should be puffy or bloated. I think this is mainly for Babs, as none of my ladies drink all that much. Other than that, I don't have any real suggestions. Oh, please don't go tanning! I prefer to blend in with you than stand out as the pale one! Judy, Allison and Molly, please call me. There are a few other things that I need to go over with you on this topic. Babs, you are Scotty's friend, so I wouldn't presume to tell you what needs to be corrected — plus, your own wedding is coming up after mine. So I'm sure you're already more than a little aware of what you need to work on. See y'all on Saturday. Babs, remember you'll attend the shower with us girls rather than the paintball fun with the boys. Dress accordingly, dear!

I vow on everything that's holy if any member of my party - or any of my guests sees me acting remotely like this, that they immediately slap me soundly across the face. ~A

Almost Turkey Day...

and this is my last Thanksgiving as a single girl. Well OK - my last Thanksgiving as me with my maiden name :)
Had our second meeting with Rev Peggy - it went quite well and we highly enjoyed it. Afterwards, we bottled wedding wine and visited Grammy for a short time, and then dropped a few boxes at Mom and Dad's in Tewksbury.
Tomorrow is eating fest.
Happy holidays, everyone!
:)

Train keeps rolling....

6 months and 27 days today ::gasp!::
No real update or news to report - least none that I can put on here in a public forum. Now before you think nasty thoughts, I have a few surprises up my sleeve - and some recipients of said surprises read this blog. :)

One year today for Auntie Marge..... RIP Auntie - I miss you so much. Help me plan the wedding, as I know you will be there. PS - Say hello to Rob's Grandma for me, maybe you guys can go and have lunch and talk all about us! :)

After Hours Tuxedo

FOR All potential wedding participants
DO NOT USE this organization.
Rob and I won $110 off tuxedos when we went to the Bridal Expo in Boston. Realizing that they were affiliated with David's Bridal, where I got my dress, I thought well great, there will be color matching and such. Plus everyone will get to benefit financially. Yeah not so much.
"OK so Tommy Hillfinger tuxes are $135." (Yikes, seems expensive to me but whatever.)
I reply that "the groom gets his free, why is there a fee of $35.25?"
"Oh that's for accessories like shoes and vest."
"Wait. That's not included?"
"Nope."
"Why?"
"I don't know, it should have been explained to you at the Expo."
"Well it wasn't, it says grooms tux free. Not tux only free, not including accessories."
"Well there's nothing I can do."
OK Whatever. So after the debacle of differing opinions between Rob, myself, and my futher mother in law, we make some decisions... correction. I make some decisions. What the FOB and FOG are wearing, colors, styles, patterns, all that crap. Rob gets his measurements, Father in law gets his as well.
"So each member of your party at the time they make their measurements has to pay $20."
OK so no problem, makes sense to me.
So I ask the next logical question: "Now picking them up?"
"You have to pick them up Thursday before the wedding at 4:00 PM. "
"That might not work for me - that's the rehearsal - which starts at 6 in Billerica. "
"Well there's no truck delivery on Wednesday and no other one til Saturday which clearly will not work for you."
No Shit Sherlock.
"Cant' we pick them up the week before?
"no."
Allrighty then.
"So because you signed up with us you get either a buy one get one free Carnival cruise, OR a 3 day 2 night vacation. "
"Cool, we'll take the vacation." And a brochure with all these locations is given to me. I put it with all the other stuff in my bag and tell them I will decide later on the destination.
So home we go and last night I start reading the back of the brochure. Time for major red flags.
What are your ages....what is combined annual income...what major credit cards not debit cards do you posses...Mail completed form and $50 to this address....When calling you will be offered exciting vacation opportunities in the resort area.....if cohabitating must have ID's with matching address..... and so forth.
So I call and get this nimrod named Marlene who cannot tell me where in Cape Cod the resort is. Cannot tell me any of the locations. When I remark that Cape Cod is a big place, she says "oh you'll get the address when we get your money."
"Why do you need income?"
"The computer requires it."
"Yes but why?"
"I don't know."
"I was given this as a promotion from After Hours Tux."
"So what?"
So clearly I am not continuing this conversation. I then proceed to call the store and get another winner, Susan, on the line, who says she's the store manager. When I tell her the above tale, there is silence and then "So what do you want me to do about it?" Incredulous, I reply "Well your company is selling this - as a promotion if you will, and it's really poor customer service to sell something as free, and have it not be so. Futhermore, they didn't seem to care about After Hours, not really a good partnership, wouldn't you say?" "So what you want your money back or what?"
Uh yeah hell yeah I want my money back, I think. What I say is that I paid cash on two separate dates in a total of $40.
"What's the date of your wedding?" "June 10," I reply.
"OK so if you want cash come into the store and get it otherwise I will process a check from company headquarters to such and such address (Rob's) which will take 2 weeks."
"Fine, send the check. I just want you to know how poorly I think this reflects upon your store.
pause "I'll let the district manager know. "
That's right, the purported manager of this store HUNG UP ON ME !
Do yourselves a favor - and avoid After Hours Formalwear like the plague.

Love letters....

In the course of preparing for our wedding, we were given a task – by Reverend Peggy - to write a love letter to each other. One major caveat: It was to be written 25 years in the future. When we had completed them, we were to read them to each other on a date. Now I know these are really personal, but I just had to share some of this love. Amazing how similar they are in many ways. (We did not write them at the same time!)

My letter to Rob:

Dear Rob,
I write this letter to you and cannot help but remember and reflect on the last 25 years. When we first me, there was love, and lust, and laughter. And I am so blessed to realize that nothing has changed of those three. Yes, our hair is grayer. Yes, we’re not as active as we used to be. And yes, our lives, have taken many turns. But I wouldn’t have changed one turn. Not one.
Those early years…my gosh. To see how far we’ve come – from balancing bills and living simply to what we have now become- confident, successful, and without financial worry. Remember that little apartment? Yikes! And now, our farmhouse in the country. And our lives together. You and I… and the children. You have become such a wonderful father. I always knew you would be. All those years of waiting for children, to bring both a son and a daughter into our lives – we are so very blessed.
To see how far you have become is truly a joy for me. And the fact that we did it together just makes me more convinced that everything happens for a reason. I can still remember when you were a car salesman, taking orders from others, trying to satisfy disgruntled customers, and never truly happy. There were times I thought things might never change. But change they did…boy did they! To see the change in you from worrying and living paycheck to paycheck – to what you are now – confident, and with little worry… my God, it’s wonderful!
I can still remember our wedding day so vividly. All the plans we made…and then that day. Walking up the aisle to you- your hand reaching out to me. I thought for sure I would be crying so hard with joy that I wouldn’t remember what you were saying, or doing, or how you looked. You were so handsome in your tux, with Derek and Bob standing beside you. I can still see the smiles of our family and friends and the sun shining through the windows onto us…..and you and I declaring our love. Your kiss that day, and every day since, still makes me weak in the knees. Remember how everyone gasped as we danced at our reception?
While some of the family and friends in our inner circle have changed, one thing remains the same. Simply put, I love you and always will. Now I must put this letter aside, leave the porch, and go inside our wonderful home. There are gift basket orders to fulfill, dinner to make, and bedtime for the kids and the dogs! And soon you will be home to me, and like every night, I will sleep with you wrapped around me. And you will say the words you’ve said every day. I love you.
Love always,

Your Bride,
Andrea

Now I will warn you that Rob’s letter is a real tearjerker. ~A

To my dearest Andrea,
Twenty five years have passed. I can hardly believe it, you blink an eye and a quarter century passes you by. It has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. A lot more ups than downs, but even through the downs I would not change a thing.
We started out in our journey with nothing but a tiny apartment and all the love in the world. Twenty five years later, look at what we have now, all that love plus more love, and our own home. Hey, you even got a chance to be Martha Stewart! I finally am able to take care of you like I always wanted to do. Even though we have all we have now, I would trade it all back. I would live in that tiny apartment again, as long as we were together. If I hadn’t married you, I don’t know how I would have made it.
Over the last 25 years, we’ve had a lot of trials. Together we stood against those trials. Through it all you were my strength, my happiness, my everything. Those trials which threatened us only served to make us stronger, and brought us closer together.
Boy did we ever have some arguments. There were A LOT that were my fault, and I wish that I could have done better to have not gotten into them. You are my angel. When times got rough, you stood by me, mo matter my faults. Even the times I was at my most insecure. When I wasn’t sure of myself, you never gave up. You put up with so much and asked so little of me. I thank you and I love you more ever day for it.
Now you manage our business and our home. I still toil away at a dealership, but now as a manager. Life is good, but I am confident that if we lost everything, we’d still be able to pull strength from 25 years of love, honor, and trust, to pull through whatever is thrown at us. I know I can count on you to lift me up when I am down, and you can count on me to do the same. I don’t’ care if I had to walk through Hell and back, you will always be safe. If it is in my power, I will protect you.
The past 25 years have been magical, straight out of Disney for me. I know there are times that I seem to take you for granted. The fact is, everything you’ve done for me has not and will not go un-noticed. So here we are, 25 years. I’ve always wondered how it all flew by us. I just know that I am as happy now as I was then, and I wouldn’t change a thing. We’ve come a long way since that tiny apartment. Through thick and thin, Through uphill battles and downhill thrills. We’ve both moved up in the world. We’re both in something much larger than anything we could possess. Anything we have now I truly believe is because of our love. The commitment to make all our dreams come true. The bond we have when things fall apart, and the strength we share to rebuild. These are the feelings emotions and the drive that has made this thing we have something more bright than the brightest star.
Thank you for the last 25 years, and most of all thank you for you. I look forward to forever with you. Here’s to you….to me… to us.
Love Forever,
Your husband,
Rob

Now do you know why I am marrying him? How could I not after a letter like that? ~A

The honeymoon has been booked! Nov 3

To celebrate our honeymoon, from June 12 to the 17th, we will be guests of the RIU Negril All Inclusive in Jamaica!
Rob's favorite part, other than the getting away factor, is the fact that it's located on Bloody Bay Beach in Negril Jamaica. I found a great link for anyone who wants to look at some great pictures: http://www.riubambu.com/RIU_WEB_PAGES/MENU/RESORT/NEGRIL/NEGRIL.htm
My god. 7 months and 7 days today.
In other wedding news, mom picked up the dress yesterday. It's all paid for and will live at Mom and Dad's house until time for it's fitting, which they say is 6 weeks from the day of the wedding. I personally think that's a little close, but hey they know what they are doing. And my dress doesn't need that much alteration anyway. I also met with a wedding gown restoration specialist named Ken Grippi who is restoring Grammy's dress for me. I only wish I could fit into it - it's just so gorgeous. But it is history, after all.